Follow-Up Ultrasound

This was the post on our main blog announcing the happy news:

We went into today's appointment for a follow-up ultrasound fully prepared (as well as we could be) for confirmation that the pregnancy wasn't going to last, and for the next step to possibly be surgery. Though I have continued to feel very pregnant, with fatigue, nausea, hunger, and other weird, normal symptoms, I told myself repeatedly to guard my heart and remember that my body would still do this, even if there wasn't an actual baby growing. Abigail had steadfastly reminded us that she, Isaac, and Elijah were all miracle babies, and that God could choose to give us another miracle. I agreed it was possible, but tried to prepare her for the possibility that He may not give us another baby at this time. It has been hard to balance faith with reality, and believing God is capable of a miracle, when science is giving all indications that is unlikely and improbable.

However, I am so grateful, shocked, humbled, and amazed, to present to you, our fourth miracle:



As soon as the sonographer began the scan, I saw the flickering heartbeat, and a tiny little being. She happily announced, "I see a baby!" James laughed outloud, while I cried for joy. We are beyond thankful, and truly overwhelmed by God's graciousness to our family. He has strengthened us this past week through so many kind prayers and words of encouragement, and I know we would have been all right if today's news hadn't been so wonderful. Even now, we know that especially this early in a pregnancy, there are still things that could happen. But for now, we are rejoicing and celebrating that early in 2010, it appears that we will be parents again.

Our sweet daughter's faith has been an example to us all, and we are now awaiting the determination of whether this will be the little sister she's been praying for. If so, we have a very fitting name for the little stinker, who hid from sight last week. :-) I'm starting a new baby blog, and updates will be coming on that site, if you'd like to check in as our little one grows. The new address is http://ourbonusbaby.blogspot.com.

The news, as told to family and friends

Here is the email we sent sharing the situation, and asking for prayer:

Last Saturday, I went on a hunch I had and took a pregnancy test. To my great shock, it was positive. I am still in disbelief, since we had purposely tried to avoid pregnancy since Elijah, even though the possibility seemed ridiculous with the difficulty I have always had getting pregnant. We truly felt like we were done having babies so wanted to just be smart, since we all know people who have been surprised with pregnancies after even years of infertility. Though James and I never planned to try to have another baby and instead hoped to adopt again at some point, after a few days of getting used to the idea, we began to accept it was going to be a blessing and for some reason, God was allowing it. I then had a dr. appt. Wed. that didn't go well, and now we are in a waiting time. After bloodwork and an ultrasound, the tests showed that though I have high HCG levels, (which means my body thinks it is pregnant and is acting as if it is) there was no embryo showing in the yolk sack. Dr. McKenzie said that could be because it was just a few days too early to see anything, but more likely that it's not a viable pregnancy, but a blighted ovum - an egg that didn't correctly fertilize, but where the body acts as if it is carrying a baby. I was disappointed, and of course, surprised again, since we have not had that problem before, but we still don't know anything for sure. He wanted me to make an appt. for a follow-up in 2 weeks, but then after seeing the lab results Fri. a.m., he called the RN and had her let me know he wanted me to come in this next Thursday for another ultrasound. He is more concerned, and doesn't think the pregnancy will last. I explained we were planning to go to the beach Monday thru Thursday, but I sure didn't feel like it right now, since I have all the symptoms of pregnancy, with a lot of nausea and fatigue, and the RN said that they recommended we not go, but stay home and try to rest. She was still encouraging and hopeful, but we are trying to be realistic, and all signs point to this not ending with a baby.

Honestly, we feel confused, like why in the world was there even the tease of another baby, when we were perfectly content, to possibly just have that taken away now? I am thankful that regardless of what happens, this is a more preferable scenario to a true miscarriage, since I think getting attached to a baby, then losing it would be much more painful. It doesn't mean that this isn't hard, because it is still sad and the loss of a pregnancy to an extent. But, I am hopeful that we will get through it as a family, and will someday understand better why we had to experience this.

It has been a hard few days, and I have been super emotional at times, but now am better emotionally, just really nauseated! We have explained things to the kids in simple terms and they have been so sweet. They are probably most disappointed that we are not going to the beach right now, but are also concerned about what is going to happen Thursday, and keep asking, "How long till we know if there is a baby?" :-) Abigail has reminded me how just last week, she started praying for a baby sister, so she is very hopeful that her prayer is being answered. We really do not want her to think God has ignored her if this pregnancy doesn't work out, so are trying to teach them that we want God's plan, not ours, and that we just don't know what that may be. It is hard to wait. After years of waiting to getting pregnant, we should be better at it by now though!

Thank you for praying with us for God to do what will ultimately allow us to be the best witness of His glory. Unless something changes before then, we will update you Thursday after the appointment. We love you.